It can be really hard to make a relationship work, but believe us, a long-distance relationship is even harder. Or easier? It depends on your point of view. A lot of people get scared when they fall in love, but they find out that the beloved person will do an internship abroad. Or maybe you just went abroad, you started your exchange semester, and you didn’t want to have a serious relationship: but you met someone and both of you are starting to feel something…
There are plenty of things that can make you meet someone who lives kilometers away from you. Every situation, every couple and case is different, so we definitely don’t have a universal recipe. Although we would like to give you some advices on how to survive a long-distance relationship, once you decide to start it.
The day that we met started as a very simple (but amazing) day. Zsuzsi just arrived to Riga, to the capital of Latvia, to study one semester abroad and Dante was already in the city for one week. How many forces in the universe collided to made us find each other in such a far place from home? We really don’t know! But we fell in love with the love of our lives and our biggest adventure started: our relationship.
This happened 1,5 years ago and we just got married some months ago, to be able to finally stay, travel and live together. Of course the journey was not easy: 6 months together, 4 months long-distance, 3 months together, 4 months long-distance, 3 months together, and now again long-distance… But our love is stronger than the doubts that we had during the times far from each other. Stronger thanks to the decision of loving each other every day, because we chose to fight for the things that we know are worth it, and we simply love to be together.
When should you start a long-distance relationship?
The decision depends on two people, because a relationship is about TWO people. Whether someone says yes or no, it’s their responsibility, not their friends’, family’s. If you decide to start a long-distance relationship with someone, you are the only one who can decide. You can ask advice from your friends, but at the end you will be the one who must work on the relationship. Both people in the relationship should feel that they totally want to do this and commit themselves to the relationship.
The main problems
- Lack of experiences together
- Time difference if you are living on different continents
- No physical connection
But each of those problems can be solved, if you really invest energy in the relationship.
Let's make it work!
Communication, base of a good relationship
This is not just applicable for a long-distance relationship, it makes every good relationship work. Communication has made our relationship stronger. We both developed a lot, this is a process which can be hard sometimes. It’s important to talk about all the problems and misunderstandings. Problems are unavoidable, but every problem has a solution, and that always clears while talking.
Technology allows you to write, voice message, phone call, video call and send photos about your experiences - so why not to do that all?
But apart from problems, it’s also important to talk about plans, dreams and goals. Planning your future together makes you feel safe in the relationship and it’s a sign that your partner includes you in their dreams.
Between Mexico City and Vienna there is a 7 hour time difference, that means that sometimes when Dante is going to sleep, Zsuzsi is already waking up. But even if you don’t have that problem, it’s very important to collect new experiences together. Maybe you can’t go hiking or visit a museum together, or you can’t play a board game, but there are plenty of activities that you can do.
You can always use your free hours to plan something like watching a movie or short videos together, play or listen to music, play a video game online, paint mandalas and make some new memories together. Also, just make a video call while you are walking in the park and show it to your partner is a great way to feel connected. Be yourself, be spontaneous and see what works for you. It is hard to be far, and after a long day, it is nothing better than seeing your love and listen to their voice.
Know when you are going to meet again
The base of a long-distance relationship is knowing the exact date or at least the month, when you will meet again. On one hand, to prove that you are doing this seriously and you are not going to play with the time and the feelings of the other person. It really helps to survive the months apart when you know that you will see each other in 4, 6 or 8 months. You both have to know, that living in uncertainty can kill a relationship, so you have to set up some rules: we’ll be doing this for 2 years, and we’ll see each other every 3 months and then after 2 years we can live together in one city. Don’t be afraid of talking about this! As we already said, communication is important. If something bothers you, just talk about it.
Respect the personal space of the other person
Sometimes distance can make you feel jealous of all the people who can spend time with your partner, and to compromise the deficit of the physical connection, you want your partner to spend all their free time with you. That’s a mistake. Every person needs some personal time, every person needs space. You need to be conscious that time is valuable for both of you, you need to respect your partner and accept that she/he decided to dedicate herself/himself to other things like the school, the work, family, friends or other responsibilities. But again, if something really bothers you: talk about it! It’s really difficult to misunderstand something, if you are just texting. Relationships are based on respect, never forget that.
Develop a project together
Our Instagram, our future plans and this blog itself is the result of that! Before our second time of long-distance relationship started, we decided to start something together, something that we both wanted to do since a long time. Since then we are building the DeerTraveler community and travel blog. During all this we have been developing a lot, learning a lot about things that we have never thought about before and we discovered that this really makes us happy. Developing a project with your partner can help you to get to know each other better, explore and learn about new things together.
A long-distance relationship is very dangerous, because you’ll find out very quickly, if you want to live with that person for your whole life or not. If you pass through the hard times, then your relationship will be much stronger than you have ever imagined.